i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
