OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
