I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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