So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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