Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
