shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
