I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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