i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
