If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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