I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
