the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
