I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
