if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
love makes seman taste better
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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