That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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