I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
