So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
