I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
