just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
