matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
