It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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