3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
