I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
