Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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