I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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