Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
