At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
