dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
