Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
