I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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