There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Randomize
