i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
