would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
