She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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