There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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