How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
