I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
