When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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