I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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