Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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