ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize