you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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