well you can't waste a boner
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
