If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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