im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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