Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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