My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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