i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
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I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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