batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Can I color on your dick again?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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