you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
