Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
