I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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