Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
