He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
