Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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