You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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