I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
