Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
