Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
