i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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