After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
