If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
