me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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