i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
