smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
