I'm so fucking centered right now
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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