Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
